All's fair in love and slap fight...

...especially when you win.

Last night was ridiculous. The drunken shenanigans were so weird and ridiculous. I'm not going to give away most of the details, but the three most hilarious things that happened I will retell:

1. As some of you may recall, there's a dog that lives here named Chris. I love this dog, we do everything together, ride around in the Gator, chase buzzards, sleep on the floor. You know, the works. Anyways, Chris has a TERRIBLE fear of thunderstorms. To the point where he breaks into my room and hides in my closet kind of fear. It has been lovingly called, "The Chris Experience," because that's what it really is, an experience that's not worth repeating.
Anyways, at some point or another, Chris got in the hot tub with us last night. The problem was that we were too drunk to realize that the storm that was slowly rolling in, was upsetting Chris, and therefore he tried and succeeded in getting into the hot tub with us. Much to our dismay. Because that meant we couldn't let him into the house, because Jim doesn't want Chris in the house while he's wet. Of course, when I went inside to get towels to dry him off with, he followed me inside. That caused me to run after him with said towels trying to simultaneously dry him and the wet spots on the floor. I failed, because when I went back outside, he followed me and went straight back into the hot tub. So, I thought up a "genius" plan that consisted of grabbing a bunch of high quality dog treats and making a "trail" of them to the living room. And by "trail", I mean I just threw a couple on the ground, then made a big pile of them on the floor in the living room. Needless to say, Chris didn't take the bait, and was too nervous to pay attention to them.

2. At some point, in the midst of that first story, the Roomba turned itself on and started cleaning. Of course, when you're drunk and dealing with an extremely fearful dog, the Roomba turning itself on is just the icing on the cake. Especially if you can't figure out how to turn it off. I'm pretty sure I did some little panic dance as I tried to turn it off by pressing the power button. Of course, Murphy's Law kicked in, and it didn't turn off. Eventually, we were able to somehow turn it off by pressing a button on the actually Roomba itself. And of course by we, I mean not me. I was too busy repeatedly pressing the power button.

3. Then of course there was the slap fight. While washing the bowls this morning, I realized that before the Roomba or Chris trying to get into the hot tub, Travis and I got into a fist fight turned slap fight. And I won too. For whatever reason, we were discussing how I've been turning into a shit kicker when I'm drunk sometimes, much to my dismay. Somehow, that discussion escalated into a pathetic fist fight, and I ended up crying out, "Let's have a slap fight!", to which Travis agreed. And before he even had a chance, I slapped him in the face so hard, that he just stopped. It was like he flatlined, just no response for a good couple of seconds, then he started complaining that I made his ears ring. In fact, for the rest of the night he kept complaining about how his ears were still ringing.
This morning, after I remembered the slap fight, I told Melanie, and her response was along the lines of, "Oh my god! That's crazy!" Travis, on the other hand, kept bitching at me about it. So every time that happened, I would look him straight in the eye and say, "All's fair in love and slap fight," and then shrug my shoulders. I won, and that's all there is to it.