I have come to the realization that I will not be able to save six kittens. Five of them are feral and only one is even eligible to being saved, and it's a very very painful to realize that even he might be able to make it. Tomorrow I will take them down to Pinellas County Animal Services, which has a good track record of adopting out animals, not immediately putting them down in 72 hours, and has space for them. The only issue is that they will have to go through a behavior assessment, and seeing as five of them are almost completely feral(except around me and even that's iffy), I can only hope that the one that's the most confident and friendly will be able to pass it. Obviously it would be miraculous if all six of them passed, but realistically I can't expect more than two to pass it.
The only good part I can see of this, is at least if they're put down, they will not suffer if they were released to fend for themselves. Nor will they repeatedly reproduce, thanks to Florida's warm weather, and procreate more unwanted litters. They will also avoid the potential of being cruelly mistreated by people or suffer a horrible death because of them.
I'm terribly heartbroken by this, I've spent the whole day calling rescues, shelters, sanctuaries, feed stores, and veteranary offices trying to place just the one, but to no avail. And it's with a heavy heart that I'm taking them to Pinellas County Animal Services. My only regret is not trying harder to socialize, take care of, and find a place for them.
The worst part about this, is that it feels like I'm the only person willing to bear some of the responsibility of this situation or gives two shits about them.
That being said, I've decided that if I ever run across another pregnant dog or cat, I will try my damnedest to have her spayed, so that I can be spared the heartache and hassle of dealing with another unwanted litter, when every year there are so many homeless and unwanted cats, dogs, kittens, and puppies. The only reason why I can see why anyone should let them have babies is if they're too far along to be fixed at that moment.
With that being said, please please please, spay and neuter your pets, if only so you don't have to deal with I have these past four weeks.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Who keeps thinking it's a good idea to put me in charge...???
...because thank god I'm the type of person who takes charge when there's a lack of leadership. I know I'm this big goofball who runs around spouting nonsense from my mouth, but thank god I can take charge of a situation if I have to. Personally it's not my style, but I'm willing to give it a go if I have to. Emphasis on the have to, I'd rather be led around, if only because it's easier, yet I will take charge if need be. And right now there's a need.
Melanie left today, and it was really sad to see her go, but I think the drama and estrogen levels in the house are going to go down quite a bit since she's gone. I feel bad for even having that opinion, but these past couple of weeks I've had some revelations about her "emotionally abusive" boyfriend. And all signs point to both of them for being the problem. I've been trying to play peacekeeper and be the friend to cry on, but it's hard when she's not learning from her mistakes. I think she needs to grow up a bit and have more experiences with other people, and the boyfriend is just plain old set in his ways, and is probably not going to change for her, or anyone else, unless he actively tries to.
Either way, with Melanie gone and finished with her communications internship, I have been passed the torch. Of course, by pass the torch, it just means that I have learn everything that she's been doing for the past 3 months. This means, that I get to answer the Sanctuary phone all day long, and quite frankly I'm enjoying it.
Seriously, I've already had a couple of ridiculous phone calls. Like a man with the name, "Jim Rosenblum," called today asking me to get rid of a python,"with a black head and brown body," for him. All because it was sitting in his pool. After accidently hanging up and playing phone tag with him and his wife, I found them a wildlife trapper near where they lived and also discovered that the wife had poured rubbing alcohol in it's face to try to get it to go away. Or the man who called to complain that he saw one of our signs in the road, drove around for 4 days looking for us with his two granddaughters, and then couldn't open our gate when he got there. I've been sitting around the house today in stunned silence because of this shit, and I've only had the phone for one day.
But yeah, things have been really busy, hectic, and dramatic for the past two weeks. Plus we have had another girl join us named Cindy. She's from Holland and is leaving on Thursday sadly. Though, it'll probably be just as well, since I have literally sat, and watched the drama of both Cindy and Melanie, and ate a bag of popcorn. It's been hilarious to me, especially since Cindy's boyfriend is just so ridiculous, i.e. creating a mass panic about Cindy's well being because she ran out of minutes while talking to him on the phone in the Everglades and then not immediately explaining herself over the internet. He's hilariously sad.
Anyways, I guess my birthday is in an hour and 20 minutes, and it's strange that now that it's about to be here, that I'm not in Hooligans right now getting ready to celebrate with Amber, Tony, Kefauver, Ben, Ian, and the rest of them like we planned in late December, early January. Maybe I'll fix myself something to drink and hope that my mom doesn't send me anymore cards with birth control, auto insurance cards, or with the story about how she got her ears pierced in Mexico City when she turned 21. I'm also hoping that my dad doesn't call me to tell me that my car is being recalled, ask me if I want any books, or tell me that he's sending me another E-Card. I mean they already did that once this week.
I guess tomorrow night we're going to Cracker Barrel. I've never been and I'm not sure that's where I want to spend my 21st birthday at, but might as well since I don't really know anyone else, live near any good bars, and since I don't really share the same taste in music as everyone else. Oh well.
Melanie left today, and it was really sad to see her go, but I think the drama and estrogen levels in the house are going to go down quite a bit since she's gone. I feel bad for even having that opinion, but these past couple of weeks I've had some revelations about her "emotionally abusive" boyfriend. And all signs point to both of them for being the problem. I've been trying to play peacekeeper and be the friend to cry on, but it's hard when she's not learning from her mistakes. I think she needs to grow up a bit and have more experiences with other people, and the boyfriend is just plain old set in his ways, and is probably not going to change for her, or anyone else, unless he actively tries to.
Either way, with Melanie gone and finished with her communications internship, I have been passed the torch. Of course, by pass the torch, it just means that I have learn everything that she's been doing for the past 3 months. This means, that I get to answer the Sanctuary phone all day long, and quite frankly I'm enjoying it.
Seriously, I've already had a couple of ridiculous phone calls. Like a man with the name, "Jim Rosenblum," called today asking me to get rid of a python,"with a black head and brown body," for him. All because it was sitting in his pool. After accidently hanging up and playing phone tag with him and his wife, I found them a wildlife trapper near where they lived and also discovered that the wife had poured rubbing alcohol in it's face to try to get it to go away. Or the man who called to complain that he saw one of our signs in the road, drove around for 4 days looking for us with his two granddaughters, and then couldn't open our gate when he got there. I've been sitting around the house today in stunned silence because of this shit, and I've only had the phone for one day.
But yeah, things have been really busy, hectic, and dramatic for the past two weeks. Plus we have had another girl join us named Cindy. She's from Holland and is leaving on Thursday sadly. Though, it'll probably be just as well, since I have literally sat, and watched the drama of both Cindy and Melanie, and ate a bag of popcorn. It's been hilarious to me, especially since Cindy's boyfriend is just so ridiculous, i.e. creating a mass panic about Cindy's well being because she ran out of minutes while talking to him on the phone in the Everglades and then not immediately explaining herself over the internet. He's hilariously sad.
Anyways, I guess my birthday is in an hour and 20 minutes, and it's strange that now that it's about to be here, that I'm not in Hooligans right now getting ready to celebrate with Amber, Tony, Kefauver, Ben, Ian, and the rest of them like we planned in late December, early January. Maybe I'll fix myself something to drink and hope that my mom doesn't send me anymore cards with birth control, auto insurance cards, or with the story about how she got her ears pierced in Mexico City when she turned 21. I'm also hoping that my dad doesn't call me to tell me that my car is being recalled, ask me if I want any books, or tell me that he's sending me another E-Card. I mean they already did that once this week.
I guess tomorrow night we're going to Cracker Barrel. I've never been and I'm not sure that's where I want to spend my 21st birthday at, but might as well since I don't really know anyone else, live near any good bars, and since I don't really share the same taste in music as everyone else. Oh well.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I WILL CUT YOU
..but most likely I will bitch you out. But of course if I'm bitching you out, I'm probably drunk and/or you probably deserve it. Seriously, there's been so much tension at the house, Melanie and I are at our friend Matt's house, partially because the drama llama is stressing me out so much that it's making me feel physically ill, and partially because she's passed out right now. But whatever, I have trouble falling asleep, and I should probably be there if she feels like she needs more than toast, water, and a pot. Yet here I am typing to you from someone else's computer.....
Tonight has been good. We've been having fun hanging out with Matt's wife, Dana, and brother-in-law, Danny. It's been cute, because I'm trying to convince Melanie to get away from her emotionally abusive boyfriend, and Danny is totally into her. I'm hoping this will turn out in the end. Even if it just means that Melanie feels better about herself and moves on, that would be better than if she tries to stay with this dude. And I'm serious too. I'm about ready to pull out a knife, meat clever, wooden baseball bat, etc. if only it will help to get her away from him. It's causing too many problems over here, that I straight up told her that she's being emotionally abused by him today. I hope she listens and dumps his ass like a sack of potatoes, I can only hope she listens and takes heed to my advice, because three years of this is too much.
Anyways, we've been having fun with Matt, Dana, and Danny. They've been a blast and apparently Dana thought I was a lesbian. That makes me giggle, because I can remember two years ago when I blatantly told a group of men that I didn't need to watch Suicide Girls, because if I wanted to see naked girls, I'd look at myself in the mirror naked. Either way, we've had fun teasing Matt and his BBQ and hanging out at the fire platform. I'm so glad we were invited to come over, I've actually been verbally encouraging Melanie and Danny to make-out because I think it would be good for her to know there are better men out there.
Anyways, on to less gooshy stuff. We have an infestation of buzzards, and it's really annoying, because they eat all the food that the big cats leave behind and they eat all the cat food we leave out for the feral cats. It's frustrating, especially since Jim and Susan have been the cause of this. Only in the sense that they were feeding them the leftovers until they started landing on the roof, and potentially ripping it off with their talons.
So, today I managed to make progress with them, as in, I actually hit one today.
Of course by hit a vulture, I mean, I threw the pig's bowl like a Frisbee and managed to hit at least one of them. Maybe two, if I'm lucky. But seriously, I actually hit one, and all the buzzards lined up on the fence of Arnold the Pigs disappeared.
As much as I like buzzards, we keep finding them in the weirdest spots. Like two weekend ago, I discovered one because I could smell the fumes of a dried out,dead, and dismembered buzzard in the tigers' cage. Keep in mind though that the buzzards tend to go into the tigers' cage because there's not top to their enclosure, because they can't escape, they're too heavy. So, when the keep going in there, I can't help but laugh because it's so ridiculous, what I find in there. Seriously, Susan caught Sergei playing with a vulture, once. And the fact that I've managed to scare away a small portion of that population because I hit one of them with a food bowl is quite impressive, since they're not scared of us anymore. Hopefully I''ll be able to repeat my feat of throwing food bowls lime Frisbees and eventually drive them away.
So, I've recently discovered a very tiny piece of my past. I've recently been reintroduced to Queens of the Stone Age. QOTSA is one of those bands that I've always wanted to look more into and have never had the chance until recently. In fact I listened to mostly their album Songs for the Deaf most of the drive here, since it's actually written to sound like you're travelling cross country(i.e. LA to somewhere in New Mexico).
I'm infatuated. Seriously, I cannot get enough of their sound. Just by listening to the two records I have of theirs, I've become big fans of theirs.
That being said, I went through their Vevo on YouTube, and discover their music video to Sick, Sick, Sick. It's a strange feeling to come across this video, especially since I saw it when I was pretty young and easily grossed out and/or prudish. Surprisingly, when I saw it on MTV, years ago, I was morbidly fascinated by it and stupified into watching once I realized the hot girl was a cannibal. Now, I"m still morbidly fascinated by it and can't seem to get enough of it. It's strange how things that used to freak you out as a kid now still fascinate you.
Myabe I should stop reading about cannibalism.
Tonight has been good. We've been having fun hanging out with Matt's wife, Dana, and brother-in-law, Danny. It's been cute, because I'm trying to convince Melanie to get away from her emotionally abusive boyfriend, and Danny is totally into her. I'm hoping this will turn out in the end. Even if it just means that Melanie feels better about herself and moves on, that would be better than if she tries to stay with this dude. And I'm serious too. I'm about ready to pull out a knife, meat clever, wooden baseball bat, etc. if only it will help to get her away from him. It's causing too many problems over here, that I straight up told her that she's being emotionally abused by him today. I hope she listens and dumps his ass like a sack of potatoes, I can only hope she listens and takes heed to my advice, because three years of this is too much.
Anyways, we've been having fun with Matt, Dana, and Danny. They've been a blast and apparently Dana thought I was a lesbian. That makes me giggle, because I can remember two years ago when I blatantly told a group of men that I didn't need to watch Suicide Girls, because if I wanted to see naked girls, I'd look at myself in the mirror naked. Either way, we've had fun teasing Matt and his BBQ and hanging out at the fire platform. I'm so glad we were invited to come over, I've actually been verbally encouraging Melanie and Danny to make-out because I think it would be good for her to know there are better men out there.
Anyways, on to less gooshy stuff. We have an infestation of buzzards, and it's really annoying, because they eat all the food that the big cats leave behind and they eat all the cat food we leave out for the feral cats. It's frustrating, especially since Jim and Susan have been the cause of this. Only in the sense that they were feeding them the leftovers until they started landing on the roof, and potentially ripping it off with their talons.
So, today I managed to make progress with them, as in, I actually hit one today.
Of course by hit a vulture, I mean, I threw the pig's bowl like a Frisbee and managed to hit at least one of them. Maybe two, if I'm lucky. But seriously, I actually hit one, and all the buzzards lined up on the fence of Arnold the Pigs disappeared.
As much as I like buzzards, we keep finding them in the weirdest spots. Like two weekend ago, I discovered one because I could smell the fumes of a dried out,dead, and dismembered buzzard in the tigers' cage. Keep in mind though that the buzzards tend to go into the tigers' cage because there's not top to their enclosure, because they can't escape, they're too heavy. So, when the keep going in there, I can't help but laugh because it's so ridiculous, what I find in there. Seriously, Susan caught Sergei playing with a vulture, once. And the fact that I've managed to scare away a small portion of that population because I hit one of them with a food bowl is quite impressive, since they're not scared of us anymore. Hopefully I''ll be able to repeat my feat of throwing food bowls lime Frisbees and eventually drive them away.
So, I've recently discovered a very tiny piece of my past. I've recently been reintroduced to Queens of the Stone Age. QOTSA is one of those bands that I've always wanted to look more into and have never had the chance until recently. In fact I listened to mostly their album Songs for the Deaf most of the drive here, since it's actually written to sound like you're travelling cross country(i.e. LA to somewhere in New Mexico).
I'm infatuated. Seriously, I cannot get enough of their sound. Just by listening to the two records I have of theirs, I've become big fans of theirs.
That being said, I went through their Vevo on YouTube, and discover their music video to Sick, Sick, Sick. It's a strange feeling to come across this video, especially since I saw it when I was pretty young and easily grossed out and/or prudish. Surprisingly, when I saw it on MTV, years ago, I was morbidly fascinated by it and stupified into watching once I realized the hot girl was a cannibal. Now, I"m still morbidly fascinated by it and can't seem to get enough of it. It's strange how things that used to freak you out as a kid now still fascinate you.
Myabe I should stop reading about cannibalism.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Go Kill Yourself
The last few days have been kind of interesting. We've been doing major amounts of yard work this week. There's a group of first graders coming here on Thursday and we're trying to make the property look nice for them, since there's 150 of them coming. And the only thing I can say about yard work, manual labor, and myself is that I'm about as helpful as a brick is to a window, when it's being thrown through. It's been pretty funny though, because in the process of making the sanctuary nicer looking I've found dismembered and dried out buzzards, had all the tigers, cougars, and one of the leopards try to grab weedwhackers and sheers from my hands, and have made countless attempts at diving headfirst into various patches of thorns. This list doesn't even include things like accidently spraying myself in the face with a hose....
Around 2:00 today, Susan, Melanie, and myself picked up our neighbor Matt, and then drove down to Lowe's to pick up parts for our various models of lawn mowers. We brought Matt along for two reasons. One, he's the guy that's been mowing the property and helping us out for his required community service. And two, he has quite the knowledge about lawn mowers and all things manual labor. So, we whisked him over there with us to help us find the parts we needed, and as usual, I had no idea what was going on.
For some reason or another, I'm always out of the loop about stuff, especially when it involves anything that would have to do with cars or places like Lowe's. But, while we were there, I was tasked in getting the shopping cart. Of course, I happened to grab the cart that was stuck to all the other carts, so this other lady shopper and I spent a couple minutes trying to pull them apart. When we succeeded, I decided the best way to catch up with everyone was to ride the shopping cart across the store. Instead, the cart decided to flip itself over backwards. Luckily, I caught myself, but not before the guy standing near me with his wife saw me and remarked, "Woah! Slow down there killer." A little sheepishly, I tried to be funny by telling some quip about not killing myself fast enough or something.
Then, when I caught up, I had no idea what we were looking for and/or needed. Instead, I just flipped through the guide of various stylish sheds and other buildings you can buy kits for from Lowe's. I'm still not sure what the point of a gazebo is or why anyone would want one.
I've been having trouble watching the show Tosh.O. Before coming here, I only watched maybe 15 minutes at most of it. Now I remember why I didn't like it in the first place. Daniel Tosh is mean. I realize that Jim and Melanie really like it, but I have always had a hard time dealing with people who are mean just to be mean. I can't even get behind the excuse that it's OK, since he makes fun of everyone based on gender, race, and other stereotypes. While the YouTube videos are for the most part effing brilliant, and watching him interview famous internet memes is hilarious, I still can't cancel out of my mind that the things he says are being said to be mean. And maybe that's why he has so many people watching his show, because he says the things that I'm sure a lot of people think about others people.
Like tonight, I had a discussion about whether all gay men care about how they look. I was flabbergasted when someone told me that obviously so and so might be gay if they keep making comments on how people dress. I know straight men who act more gay than their actual gay roommates, and vice versa.
I guess, the reason why I have the most problem with purposeful bigotry is that I grew up Unitarian Universalist. The Unitarian Universalists have seven principles:
I'm still working on that. Since I can deal with most people's crap.
Last night I got a letter from Amber and the rest of members of the elite club that is my house. Also known as "The Pirate House." It was cute there were little cards like for discounts at PetCo and a "Kissing License." I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that though. I may just flash it at cute boys at bars, so I can just skip the small talk and make out with them. But, I really don't think I'm going to be kissing anyone right now, so I'll just be content with temporary celibacy.
It didn't really hit me how long I'll be gone from Columbus until I found a note from Amber that says, "Have a great summer." I'm not going to lie, I definitely shed a few tears when I saw that, because it really hit me that I'm going to be missing a lot this summer, since I'm getting back the first week of August. I'll be missing Comfest, Doodah, Red, White, and Boom, Pride, my 21st birthday and Amber's birthday 3 days later and celebrating all month. I'm probably missing a few things, but it has suddenly become harder to be here. I mean, I get along with everyone well for the most part, but I don't really fit in here. Then again, I don't particularly fit in back home either...
The other night I was talking about this tattoo and piercing shop here in Spring Hill that I found on the APP's(Association of Professional Piercers) website on a whim. Yesterday, I decided to go make a stop since my rook started to randomly bleed and I've been wanting to change out the jewelry in my tragus. Originally, I just wanted to get an 18g horseshoe, but they didn't have one that size. Instead, we decided to go up to a 16g. Paul, after taking a look at it, looked me in the eye and said that he really couldn't sell me that jewelry. To which I responded with, "No worries, lets go with the CBR."
To be honest, after talking to him and figuring out how much experience he's had, the fact that he had a hit on the APP's website, and he was just an all around cool dude, I knew I could trust his judgement. So, I now have a 16g CBR, and haven't told anyone I work with about it. Hopefully they'll see it and ask me about it. It's doubtful, but I'm also not running around flashing people like the last time I spent money on body mods. Then again, I had two microdermals put into my chest, and purposefully wore a v-neck shirt to make things easier for Jared.
Around 2:00 today, Susan, Melanie, and myself picked up our neighbor Matt, and then drove down to Lowe's to pick up parts for our various models of lawn mowers. We brought Matt along for two reasons. One, he's the guy that's been mowing the property and helping us out for his required community service. And two, he has quite the knowledge about lawn mowers and all things manual labor. So, we whisked him over there with us to help us find the parts we needed, and as usual, I had no idea what was going on.
For some reason or another, I'm always out of the loop about stuff, especially when it involves anything that would have to do with cars or places like Lowe's. But, while we were there, I was tasked in getting the shopping cart. Of course, I happened to grab the cart that was stuck to all the other carts, so this other lady shopper and I spent a couple minutes trying to pull them apart. When we succeeded, I decided the best way to catch up with everyone was to ride the shopping cart across the store. Instead, the cart decided to flip itself over backwards. Luckily, I caught myself, but not before the guy standing near me with his wife saw me and remarked, "Woah! Slow down there killer." A little sheepishly, I tried to be funny by telling some quip about not killing myself fast enough or something.
Then, when I caught up, I had no idea what we were looking for and/or needed. Instead, I just flipped through the guide of various stylish sheds and other buildings you can buy kits for from Lowe's. I'm still not sure what the point of a gazebo is or why anyone would want one.
I've been having trouble watching the show Tosh.O. Before coming here, I only watched maybe 15 minutes at most of it. Now I remember why I didn't like it in the first place. Daniel Tosh is mean. I realize that Jim and Melanie really like it, but I have always had a hard time dealing with people who are mean just to be mean. I can't even get behind the excuse that it's OK, since he makes fun of everyone based on gender, race, and other stereotypes. While the YouTube videos are for the most part effing brilliant, and watching him interview famous internet memes is hilarious, I still can't cancel out of my mind that the things he says are being said to be mean. And maybe that's why he has so many people watching his show, because he says the things that I'm sure a lot of people think about others people.
Like tonight, I had a discussion about whether all gay men care about how they look. I was flabbergasted when someone told me that obviously so and so might be gay if they keep making comments on how people dress. I know straight men who act more gay than their actual gay roommates, and vice versa.
I guess, the reason why I have the most problem with purposeful bigotry is that I grew up Unitarian Universalist. The Unitarian Universalists have seven principles:
- The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
- Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
- Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
- A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
- The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
- The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
- Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
I'm still working on that. Since I can deal with most people's crap.
Last night I got a letter from Amber and the rest of members of the elite club that is my house. Also known as "The Pirate House." It was cute there were little cards like for discounts at PetCo and a "Kissing License." I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that though. I may just flash it at cute boys at bars, so I can just skip the small talk and make out with them. But, I really don't think I'm going to be kissing anyone right now, so I'll just be content with temporary celibacy.
It didn't really hit me how long I'll be gone from Columbus until I found a note from Amber that says, "Have a great summer." I'm not going to lie, I definitely shed a few tears when I saw that, because it really hit me that I'm going to be missing a lot this summer, since I'm getting back the first week of August. I'll be missing Comfest, Doodah, Red, White, and Boom, Pride, my 21st birthday and Amber's birthday 3 days later and celebrating all month. I'm probably missing a few things, but it has suddenly become harder to be here. I mean, I get along with everyone well for the most part, but I don't really fit in here. Then again, I don't particularly fit in back home either...
The other night I was talking about this tattoo and piercing shop here in Spring Hill that I found on the APP's(Association of Professional Piercers) website on a whim. Yesterday, I decided to go make a stop since my rook started to randomly bleed and I've been wanting to change out the jewelry in my tragus. Originally, I just wanted to get an 18g horseshoe, but they didn't have one that size. Instead, we decided to go up to a 16g. Paul, after taking a look at it, looked me in the eye and said that he really couldn't sell me that jewelry. To which I responded with, "No worries, lets go with the CBR."
To be honest, after talking to him and figuring out how much experience he's had, the fact that he had a hit on the APP's website, and he was just an all around cool dude, I knew I could trust his judgement. So, I now have a 16g CBR, and haven't told anyone I work with about it. Hopefully they'll see it and ask me about it. It's doubtful, but I'm also not running around flashing people like the last time I spent money on body mods. Then again, I had two microdermals put into my chest, and purposefully wore a v-neck shirt to make things easier for Jared.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
All's fair in love and slap fight...
...especially when you win.
Last night was ridiculous. The drunken shenanigans were so weird and ridiculous. I'm not going to give away most of the details, but the three most hilarious things that happened I will retell:
1. As some of you may recall, there's a dog that lives here named Chris. I love this dog, we do everything together, ride around in the Gator, chase buzzards, sleep on the floor. You know, the works. Anyways, Chris has a TERRIBLE fear of thunderstorms. To the point where he breaks into my room and hides in my closet kind of fear. It has been lovingly called, "The Chris Experience," because that's what it really is, an experience that's not worth repeating.
Anyways, at some point or another, Chris got in the hot tub with us last night. The problem was that we were too drunk to realize that the storm that was slowly rolling in, was upsetting Chris, and therefore he tried and succeeded in getting into the hot tub with us. Much to our dismay. Because that meant we couldn't let him into the house, because Jim doesn't want Chris in the house while he's wet. Of course, when I went inside to get towels to dry him off with, he followed me inside. That caused me to run after him with said towels trying to simultaneously dry him and the wet spots on the floor. I failed, because when I went back outside, he followed me and went straight back into the hot tub. So, I thought up a "genius" plan that consisted of grabbing a bunch of high quality dog treats and making a "trail" of them to the living room. And by "trail", I mean I just threw a couple on the ground, then made a big pile of them on the floor in the living room. Needless to say, Chris didn't take the bait, and was too nervous to pay attention to them.
2. At some point, in the midst of that first story, the Roomba turned itself on and started cleaning. Of course, when you're drunk and dealing with an extremely fearful dog, the Roomba turning itself on is just the icing on the cake. Especially if you can't figure out how to turn it off. I'm pretty sure I did some little panic dance as I tried to turn it off by pressing the power button. Of course, Murphy's Law kicked in, and it didn't turn off. Eventually, we were able to somehow turn it off by pressing a button on the actually Roomba itself. And of course by we, I mean not me. I was too busy repeatedly pressing the power button.
3. Then of course there was the slap fight. While washing the bowls this morning, I realized that before the Roomba or Chris trying to get into the hot tub, Travis and I got into a fist fight turned slap fight. And I won too. For whatever reason, we were discussing how I've been turning into a shit kicker when I'm drunk sometimes, much to my dismay. Somehow, that discussion escalated into a pathetic fist fight, and I ended up crying out, "Let's have a slap fight!", to which Travis agreed. And before he even had a chance, I slapped him in the face so hard, that he just stopped. It was like he flatlined, just no response for a good couple of seconds, then he started complaining that I made his ears ring. In fact, for the rest of the night he kept complaining about how his ears were still ringing.
This morning, after I remembered the slap fight, I told Melanie, and her response was along the lines of, "Oh my god! That's crazy!" Travis, on the other hand, kept bitching at me about it. So every time that happened, I would look him straight in the eye and say, "All's fair in love and slap fight," and then shrug my shoulders. I won, and that's all there is to it.
Last night was ridiculous. The drunken shenanigans were so weird and ridiculous. I'm not going to give away most of the details, but the three most hilarious things that happened I will retell:
1. As some of you may recall, there's a dog that lives here named Chris. I love this dog, we do everything together, ride around in the Gator, chase buzzards, sleep on the floor. You know, the works. Anyways, Chris has a TERRIBLE fear of thunderstorms. To the point where he breaks into my room and hides in my closet kind of fear. It has been lovingly called, "The Chris Experience," because that's what it really is, an experience that's not worth repeating.
Anyways, at some point or another, Chris got in the hot tub with us last night. The problem was that we were too drunk to realize that the storm that was slowly rolling in, was upsetting Chris, and therefore he tried and succeeded in getting into the hot tub with us. Much to our dismay. Because that meant we couldn't let him into the house, because Jim doesn't want Chris in the house while he's wet. Of course, when I went inside to get towels to dry him off with, he followed me inside. That caused me to run after him with said towels trying to simultaneously dry him and the wet spots on the floor. I failed, because when I went back outside, he followed me and went straight back into the hot tub. So, I thought up a "genius" plan that consisted of grabbing a bunch of high quality dog treats and making a "trail" of them to the living room. And by "trail", I mean I just threw a couple on the ground, then made a big pile of them on the floor in the living room. Needless to say, Chris didn't take the bait, and was too nervous to pay attention to them.
2. At some point, in the midst of that first story, the Roomba turned itself on and started cleaning. Of course, when you're drunk and dealing with an extremely fearful dog, the Roomba turning itself on is just the icing on the cake. Especially if you can't figure out how to turn it off. I'm pretty sure I did some little panic dance as I tried to turn it off by pressing the power button. Of course, Murphy's Law kicked in, and it didn't turn off. Eventually, we were able to somehow turn it off by pressing a button on the actually Roomba itself. And of course by we, I mean not me. I was too busy repeatedly pressing the power button.
3. Then of course there was the slap fight. While washing the bowls this morning, I realized that before the Roomba or Chris trying to get into the hot tub, Travis and I got into a fist fight turned slap fight. And I won too. For whatever reason, we were discussing how I've been turning into a shit kicker when I'm drunk sometimes, much to my dismay. Somehow, that discussion escalated into a pathetic fist fight, and I ended up crying out, "Let's have a slap fight!", to which Travis agreed. And before he even had a chance, I slapped him in the face so hard, that he just stopped. It was like he flatlined, just no response for a good couple of seconds, then he started complaining that I made his ears ring. In fact, for the rest of the night he kept complaining about how his ears were still ringing.
This morning, after I remembered the slap fight, I told Melanie, and her response was along the lines of, "Oh my god! That's crazy!" Travis, on the other hand, kept bitching at me about it. So every time that happened, I would look him straight in the eye and say, "All's fair in love and slap fight," and then shrug my shoulders. I won, and that's all there is to it.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
"No you haven't seen me naked!"
Travis is here.
Travis is Jim's old friend who comes out and helps out around here every weekend. The thing with Travis is that he fights with EVERYONE. Right now, he and Melanie are in the kitchen arguing about whether or not it's cold out or if it's just how "cold" her heart is. It's pretty hilarious. Early, we had a discussion about whether or not she's seen him naked. According to him, the answer is no, but seeing as Melanie has a bruise on her thigh, that looks like a deer tried to curb stomp her, from last weekend, I can only imagine what happened while they were both blacked out.
Right now is the first time I've really had time to collect my thoughts from the last few days, like how Thursday was one of the most hilarious off days I've had. It was like that episode of the Simpsons, where SideShow Bob keeps stepping on rakes, except I kept almost falling head first into patches of thorns while doing yard work. Or how the cougars kept trying to grab the sheers I was using, right out of my hands. Honestly, you'll have to ask me about that day in person, on the phone, whatever, because it was that ridiculous.
Today however, probably the most interesting things that happened is there was a poop fight between some of the volunteers while we were cleaning out cages, we made and wore ivy crowns(which may or may not have been poison ivy), and Jim took Melanie and I to a Rays game.
I'm not a big sports fan. I have to say though, if I'm actually watching any sport in person, then I get into it. Especially sports I used to play. The Rays' game was no exception. We lost, terribly, but it was a lot of fun to go to. Especially since it was raining outside. I didn't know you could cover a baseball stadium and still watch the game. And afterwards there was a concert being performed by some guy named Darius, who used to be in Hootie and the Blowfish. I don't particularly like the musical style that switches between ballads and faster ballads.
Anyways, apparently Travis is trying to educate me in music. We're listening to Ke$ha, Bon Jovi, Evanescense....and he didn't like Gogol Bordello. Plus, there is booze involved in this "musical education" session, so I need to get off before I say something I'll regret, good night.
Travis is Jim's old friend who comes out and helps out around here every weekend. The thing with Travis is that he fights with EVERYONE. Right now, he and Melanie are in the kitchen arguing about whether or not it's cold out or if it's just how "cold" her heart is. It's pretty hilarious. Early, we had a discussion about whether or not she's seen him naked. According to him, the answer is no, but seeing as Melanie has a bruise on her thigh, that looks like a deer tried to curb stomp her, from last weekend, I can only imagine what happened while they were both blacked out.
Right now is the first time I've really had time to collect my thoughts from the last few days, like how Thursday was one of the most hilarious off days I've had. It was like that episode of the Simpsons, where SideShow Bob keeps stepping on rakes, except I kept almost falling head first into patches of thorns while doing yard work. Or how the cougars kept trying to grab the sheers I was using, right out of my hands. Honestly, you'll have to ask me about that day in person, on the phone, whatever, because it was that ridiculous.
Today however, probably the most interesting things that happened is there was a poop fight between some of the volunteers while we were cleaning out cages, we made and wore ivy crowns(which may or may not have been poison ivy), and Jim took Melanie and I to a Rays game.
I'm not a big sports fan. I have to say though, if I'm actually watching any sport in person, then I get into it. Especially sports I used to play. The Rays' game was no exception. We lost, terribly, but it was a lot of fun to go to. Especially since it was raining outside. I didn't know you could cover a baseball stadium and still watch the game. And afterwards there was a concert being performed by some guy named Darius, who used to be in Hootie and the Blowfish. I don't particularly like the musical style that switches between ballads and faster ballads.
Anyways, apparently Travis is trying to educate me in music. We're listening to Ke$ha, Bon Jovi, Evanescense....and he didn't like Gogol Bordello. Plus, there is booze involved in this "musical education" session, so I need to get off before I say something I'll regret, good night.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Fluorescent Marshmallow
Today, I realized that I am my own "sub-race" of white people here in Florida. I'm calling it "Fluorescent Marshmallow," because even the old people are tanner than I am. Seriously, there was a tour group of old ladies today and they were darker than I am. Though, they were so adorable and, gave us a nice donation. So, I can't complain about them TOO much. That being said, I obviously have some catching up to do on my tanning.
You have to understand, out of all the critters here, I have always had a very special place in my heart for Mom and Pop. Mom and Pop are the oldest leopards I've ever met, and have been my favorites since I was last here in '09. Sadly, about a month and a half after I left, Pop died of cancer. I was heartbroken, because everyday, before I would go feed the livestock, I'd have a heart-to-heart conversation with them. Usually, it was just me telling them how amazing they looked from coming from terrible conditions, living to ripe old age of 20-25(we have no idea how exactly old they are), and if I was feeling down that day, I'd tell them about my problems. That being said, they never really liked having me stand there staring and talking to them. You could tell by how tense their bodies would get, their sudden panting, and how fast their sides were moving up and down, once they realized I had no food for them. But, near the end of my time here, Pop went into surgery to have his tumors removed since one had split open and was physically affecting his movement.
There will always be a special place in my heart for Mom. Always <3
We also have a litter of kittens here. It's awesome. Except. They're ridiculously shy with people, because both their parents are feral cats, so it's up to me and the other volunteer here with me Melanie to socialize them. Easier said than done. My plan for the next two weeks is to sit in the room with them for two hours and just read a book or listen to music. I'm hoping I'll be able to repeat what I did with my cat Chris.
Chris is a cat that I raised from the time he was 3 weeks old til now. The problem with Chris is that he has always been really shy around people, and I managed to singlehandedly socialized that cat from the time I was 14 til I turned 18. He was MY cat. Ask my parents, because for the longest time he would come only to me when I called, slept with me, yadda yadda yadda. Now, that I'm out of the house and he likes other people more, that's changed. So, hopefully I can work some similar magic on these 6 kittens.
In other news, apparently, a few before I got here, my lovely lovely lovely boy neighbors next door decided to get matching brands done. I'm all for branding and other types of scarification, but only when it's done fucking CORRECTLY!!! Seriously! One of them has developed a terribly bad infection in his leg because of it.
According to Melanie, about 5 of them decided that they wanted matching deer brands. It may have worked, if only they hadn't actually used a cattle branding iron, and had instead gone to a professional scarification artist. They may have had something a lot cooler, like this. But apparently, they all have these crazy burn scars, and only one of them looks like a deer... only if he points it out to you, squint your eyes, and turn your head sideways. I may have Melanie take me over there to see their handy work.
Speaking of body mods, this evening Melanie, myself, and Jim(the owner of the sanctuary) went over to Target to go grocery shopping, and while looking around I found not one, but TWO tattoo magazines. For those of you that don't know this, Amber and I have a tendency to buy tattoo magazines when we find them at places that they normally wouldn't be, in order to(if only monetarily) encourage places like Target and Meijer's to carry more of them. Then of course afterwards the two of us ogle the hot girls and head-turning artwork on them.
But besides looking at gorgeous women and beautiful ink, I've been looking at them to try and get ideas for a tattoo for myself. I have plenty of potential plans for tattoos, but I know once I take the plunge into tattooing, the endorphins will hit me like a ton of bricks and there'll be no turning back. I'll have an even MORE expensive addiction beyond getting my body pierced, and I'm already thinking about asking my piercer Jared about suspension when I get back in town.
Crazily enough, I looked up on the APP(Association of Professional Piercers)'s website for a studio near me. There actually happens to be one 7 miles away, and I may just go running in there and demand the tattoo artists there to tattoo whatever they want on me. I've been looking through their portfolios and they're AMAZING, and would be well worth the money. Though that may just be what my brain is telling me since it's 2 in the morning.
Actually, one of my tattoo ideas would be to get Mom and Pop tattooed on me rubbing their heads together.
You have to understand, out of all the critters here, I have always had a very special place in my heart for Mom and Pop. Mom and Pop are the oldest leopards I've ever met, and have been my favorites since I was last here in '09. Sadly, about a month and a half after I left, Pop died of cancer. I was heartbroken, because everyday, before I would go feed the livestock, I'd have a heart-to-heart conversation with them. Usually, it was just me telling them how amazing they looked from coming from terrible conditions, living to ripe old age of 20-25(we have no idea how exactly old they are), and if I was feeling down that day, I'd tell them about my problems. That being said, they never really liked having me stand there staring and talking to them. You could tell by how tense their bodies would get, their sudden panting, and how fast their sides were moving up and down, once they realized I had no food for them. But, near the end of my time here, Pop went into surgery to have his tumors removed since one had split open and was physically affecting his movement.
Ever since I found out that Pop died, I worried about Mom being lonely and sad, even though leopards are naturally solitary animals. She reminded of one of those older couples who lose their spouse after 40-60+ years of marriage. Thankfully, those thoughts were put to rest when I stopped by and saw her last January with my mom. She looked great, even though she was still tensed up when I walked up, and starting talking to her.
Today on the other hand, my "conversation" was great! Maybe it was the heat, maybe she's OK with people who don't have food hanging around, maybe it's a little of both. But today we maintained eye contact for five minutes, before she licked herself a few times, grunted, then rolled onto her back, and fell asleep. I found myself patting myself on the back, before prancing away quite ecstatically.
There will always be a special place in my heart for Mom. Always <3
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